The first divorce directly related to the September 11th terrorist attack has been filled in new york. It appears a guy with an office on the 103rd floor of the world trade center spent the morning at his girlfriend’s apartment with his phone turned off. He wasn’t watching TV either.
When he turned his phone back on at about 11am,it rang immediately. It was his hysterical wife,”Are you ok? Where are you?” He said “What do you mean? I’m in the office of course!”
Oct 31, 2006
How people give explanations.!!!!!!!! for Leave.
Suddenly one of the employees in an organization took 10 days Leave without any notice. When he returned his PL asked for explanation.
The employee said “Sir, my mom died unexpectedly”. The PL let it go at that. After 3 months the same pattern repeated, and this time he said his father died. Then the PL got changed. After 3 months the same pattern repeated. And the employee gave the explanation that his mom died. After 3 months same thing again…
And this time his father died. This happened repeatedly for 2 years. At the end, one PL checked his past records and told him, “I have caught you red handed, How come in the past 2 years, your mom has died 5 times, and your dad has died five times?”
To which the guy said, “Sir, my mom died and my father remarried. Then my father died and my new mom remarried. Then my mom died and the new father remarried. This has been going on and on and on and…”!!!!!!
AT INDO-PAK WAR
Once in the Indo Pakistan war,
In the following war Hari Singh retires and his son Gani Singh No Assumptions Please!) joins the army. Pakistanis are again surrounding the Gurudwara hideout, the sikhs again think they’ve lost the war but out of the bushes erupts Gani Singh wearning nothing he tries do shoo away the pakistanis like his father did but instead gets shot. In the hospital his friends tell him “aare yaar, therre bap me tho itni akal thi ki vo maachar daani pehin ke
“aare yaar main tho odomos lage ke
Oct 30, 2006
HR = High Risk
After 2 years of selfless service, a man realized that he has not been promoted, no transfer, no salary increase no commendation and that the Company is not doing any thing about it. So he decided to walk up to his HR Manager
One morning and after exchanging greetings, he told his HR Manager his observation. The boss looked at him, laughed and asked him to sit down saying;
My friend, you have not worked here for even one day. The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain.
Manager: - How many days are there in a year?
Man: - 365 days and some times 366
Manager: - how many hours make up a day?
Man: - 24 hours
Manager: - How long do you work in a day?
Man: - 8am to 4pm. i.e. 8 hours a day.
Manager: - So, what fraction of the day do you work in hours?
Man: - (He did some arithmetic and said 8/24 hours i.e. 1/3(one third)
Manager:- That is nice of you! What is one-third of 366 days?
Man:- 122 (1/3×366 = 122 in days)
Manager:- Do you come to work on weekends?
Man:- No sir
Manager:- How many days are there in a year that are weekends?
Man:- 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days
Manager:- Thanks for that. If you remove 104 days from 122 days, how many days do you now have?
Man:- 18 days.
Manager:- OK! I do give you 2 weeks sick leave every year. Now remove that14 days from the 18 days left. How many days do you have remaining?
Man:- 4 days
Manager:- Do you work on New Year day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- Do you come to work on workers day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- 2 days sir!
Manager:- Do you come to work on the (National holiday )?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- 1 day sir!
Manager:- Do you work on Christmas day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- None sir!
Manager:- So, what are you claiming?
Man:- I have understood, Sir. I did not realize that I was stealing Company money all these days.
Moral - NEVER GO TO HR FOR HELP!!!
HR=HIGH RISK
One morning and after exchanging greetings, he told his HR Manager his observation. The boss looked at him, laughed and asked him to sit down saying;
My friend, you have not worked here for even one day. The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain.
Manager: - How many days are there in a year?
Man: - 365 days and some times 366
Manager: - how many hours make up a day?
Man: - 24 hours
Manager: - How long do you work in a day?
Man: - 8am to 4pm. i.e. 8 hours a day.
Manager: - So, what fraction of the day do you work in hours?
Man: - (He did some arithmetic and said 8/24 hours i.e. 1/3(one third)
Manager:- That is nice of you! What is one-third of 366 days?
Man:- 122 (1/3×366 = 122 in days)
Manager:- Do you come to work on weekends?
Man:- No sir
Manager:- How many days are there in a year that are weekends?
Man:- 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days
Manager:- Thanks for that. If you remove 104 days from 122 days, how many days do you now have?
Man:- 18 days.
Manager:- OK! I do give you 2 weeks sick leave every year. Now remove that14 days from the 18 days left. How many days do you have remaining?
Man:- 4 days
Manager:- Do you work on New Year day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- Do you come to work on workers day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- 2 days sir!
Manager:- Do you come to work on the (National holiday )?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- 1 day sir!
Manager:- Do you work on Christmas day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- None sir!
Manager:- So, what are you claiming?
Man:- I have understood, Sir. I did not realize that I was stealing Company money all these days.
Moral - NEVER GO TO HR FOR HELP!!!
HR=HIGH RISK
Ultimate Love Story
Really good one - read when u have time.. One of the Nicest stories i’ve read.
”To love without condition..to talk without intention..to give without reason..& to care without expectation..is the heart of a True Friend”
It was a lovely December morning in the hottest city in the world. All right, so that was a little unfair. Chennai is not the hottest city in the world. But it certainly is the city with the most uncomfortable weather among the cities that I have lived in. And I’ve been around. But I digress.
I was in the company bus on my way to work, as usual trying to catch up with my sleep. On this particular day, a girl got on the bus, came to my seat and sat down. “Good Morning,” she said. I looked back at her through half closed eyes, replied “Good Night,” and then proceeded to return to my half hour nap before the bus reached the office. Unfortunately, I was woken up by a punch in the arm.
”Wake up, bozo!” She was looking at me with a big smile on her face. ”I’m not sitting next to you to listen to you snore.”
Half-heartedly, I opened my eyes and turned to her. “What’s up?” I asked.
Preeti Mehra was tall, good-looking and slightly tomboyish. She was also my best buddy. “Come on,” she said. “Don’t look so disappointed. You’d rather sleep than talk to me?”
”I talk to you everyday, Preeti.”
”You also sleep everyday.”
”It’s not enough.”
”So you’ve had enough of talking to me, eh?”
You can’t argue with a statement like that, so I had to give up. I grinned and said, “OK, sweetheart. What’s on your mind?”
”I wanted to tell you what happened yesterday. Can you guess?”
”Anurag called you last night.”
”How did you know?” She was stunned.
”Oh, he asked me for your number yesterday.”
”And you gave it to him?”
”What else could I do? And stop complaining. You’ve been drooling over
him for weeks now. He must have thought he had a chance.”
Preeti was the kind of girl who would openly ogle at every other guy she saw. And yet, she would not respond to any advances of a romantic nature. She’d happily join a group of boys to go to a cricket match, but if asked out to a movie, dinner, or even coffee, she’d never say yes. She defined ‘Hard-To-Get’.
”You like putting me in these situations, don’t you?” she said.
”No. That’s not true. I love putting you in these situations!”
That invited another punch in the arm.
I had known Preeti for a year. We’d tell each other about our joys and our sorrows, our victories and our defeats. I’d tell her about all my crushes and she’d scold me for being silly. She’d drag me to classical music concerts and I’d add them to the list of things she ‘owed me’ for. And though I never let it show, I must say that she punched pretty hard.
~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~
It was 12:00 am and my phone was ringing. “Hello,” I said, as I picked it up.
”Happy Birthday!” It was she.
”You’re supposed to throw me a surprise party, sweetheart. Not just call to say Happy Birthday.”
”Well then open your door, dumbo!”
So I did and found her, cell-phone in hand, at my doorstep — with what seemed like half the population of my company. My roommates were supposed to be working late that night. Now I knew why. I blew a lot of candles (seemed like much more than 25), cut my cake, got kicked in the behind, and got painted with the cake’s icing. If Preeti had had her way, she’d probably have preferred to use a paintbrush and a can of paint. But I bribed her with a copy of the book “Lord of the
Rings”. She’d borrowed it from me three times already. I thought it was about time I gave her a copy for herself.
We chatted for an hour after everyone had gone. “I think it’s time I left,” she said finally, trying to stifle a yawn. I nodded. I dropped her home in my roommate’s car. As she was getting out of the car, I stopped her.
”Hey, Preeti.”
”What?”
”Thanks.”
”Hey, don’t get senti on me now!” she smiled. “Are you trying to worm out of that gift you promised me?”
”You know, it’s interesting how I’m getting you a gift on my birthday.”
”That’s just because you’re stupid,” she grinned. “And you better get me that book, or I won’t return your copy.”
”Hey, that copy was a gift to me from my dear friend Preeti Mehra. I can’t let you keep that.”
She wasn’t falling for that. “Your dear friend? And what about me? Am I not dear to you?”
”Very smart. That won’t work with me. I’m not one of your Love Crazy suitors. Why do you need the book anyway? You’ve read it umpteen times already.”
”That is besides the point. You are getting me the book. We both know that.” She smiled that wide confident smile of hers.
“Good night.” And she got out of the car.
I sat there for some time, just thinking. Our conversations were always like this - a little joking, a little teasing and a lot of demanding. But somehow, I felt that something had changed since the moment she had turned up at my door that night. I was still in my reverie when a paper ball landed on the windshield. I craned my neck out of the window and looked up. She was standing in her balcony.
”What are you still doing there?” she whispered loudly.
”Waiting for you to start a paper-ball fight,” I whispered back.
”We can do that tomorrow. Go home now. It’s way past your bedtime!”
”Ok, mommy,” I grinned back. “I’m going home now!”
~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~
I’m an extravagant gift-giver, and it is definitely going to be my downfall some day. I made her wait for it, but finally bought her the book. That, and half-a-dozen other omnibus collections of various authors, including a copy each of `The Complete Works of Shakespeare’ and `The Complete Short Stories of Charles Dickens’. All I got for it was an “I told you so.”
I started spending a lot of time at her place after that. Mostly because I wanted to read all those books, and she wouldn’t lend them to me.
”I’m not as stupid as you, ape-man. I’m not falling into the same trap I laid for you. Plus, you dog-ear your books. You’re not doing that to these masterpieces. So if you want to read them, you read them here. And if you want to mark your place, use a bookmark.”
So that’s what I did. She’d even make me wash my hands before I touched the books. It was as if they were sacred.
”Need I remind you that it was me that bought you the books in the first place? For my birthday!”
”So? They’re mine now.”
”Well, then. I’ve been meaning to ask you this for a long time. Where exactly is my birthday gift?”
”It was in your tummy at one point of time. It’s probably been washed into the sea by now.”
”Huh?”
”Remember the cake I baked you on your birthday?”
”You what? You can’t bake cakes!” That was a mistake. She looked hurt. ”You baked me a cake?” She didn’t say a word. She just shrugged.
I was stunned. “But you never told me.”
”You didn’t ask.” That was typical of her.
”It was fantastic! And you wasted most of the icing on me!”
”The cake was for you, dumbo.”
”How long did it take you to make the whole thing?” It had been a two-layered vanilla-chocolate cake with three flavors of very creamy icing. She had done all that!
”Well, the chocolate cake took an hour and fifteen minutes, and so did the vanilla. Then cutting them up and putting them together took another 15 minutes. Each flavor of icing took 20 minutes for preparation, and then putting it on the cake took another half hour. Cleaning up the mess took an hour.”
She seldom claimed the credit for anything, but once she started bragging, there was no stopping her. However, I wasn’t thinking about that right then.
”You spent over five hours on that cake?”
”A little over four hours preparing it, and an hour cleaning up. Yes.”
I was speechless. I didn’t know how to react. She hated cooking.
”I forgot to mention,” she continued, “the hours I spent the week before that, practicing. Even the birds wouldn’t touch the first three cakes!”
I couldn’t help but ask. “Why?”
”Because the first one got burnt, the second one was only half cooked, and in the third one, I forgot to add sugar.”
It was just like her, to try to divert the conversation. “I mean why did you spend so much time on baking me a cake?”
She looked at me like I’d asked her why the sun rises in the east.
”For your birthday, stupid. Of course, I also wanted to beat every gift you’ve ever got me. Try beating this one.” She was grinning like she’d won the world championship.
As far as I was concerned, she had. I’d never spent a week making her anything. I’d never even spent an hour making her anything. Getting her a gift normally involved me taking her to the store, letting her choose and use my credit card. Suddenly, I felt cheap. “Thanks,” was the only thing I could say. “Thanks a lot.”
”Hey. Are you getting senti on me again?”
I was.
~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~
I was still mulling over my feelings for Preeti the next day at work when my boss asked to speak to me.
I went over to his cabin and he started with the usual greetings, asking how work was going and whether I was comfortable. He then told me that the company wanted to send me to New York for a couple of years. Normally, this wouldn’t have made much of a difference to me. I
could work anywhere and didn’t have too much love for visiting places foreign. But right then, the first thought that came to me was that I’d be away from Preeti for two whole years. Twenty-four hours before,
I’d have been disappointed to lose her company. But right then, I was devastated. That was when I knew I was in love with her. I’d had crushes before. Lots of them. But this was different.
”Do you have any problem in going?” my boss asked, since I hadn’t responded.
”Not really,” I replied. What else could I say? That I was in love, and couldn’t bear the separation?
”When do I have to leave?”
I had a month.
~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~
”Wow! New York! Great! I’ve heard it’s a fantastic city! Did you know it snows there in winter?” Preeti was obviously very excited about my going. She didn’t seem to share my disappointment on what I now saw as ’separation’.
I had not decided then if I was going to tell her how I felt. We’d known each other for a little over a year, and we were very close, but beyond some mild flirting, the relationship had never got even close to romantic. That was, of course, until I found out she had spent a week baking me a cake. It’s funny how small things seem to make such a big difference.
”What happened?” she asked. “You don’t seem very happy.”
”Oh,” I replied, “it’s just that it’s so sudden, that’s all. And you know I was never all that interested in going to America.”
”What an idiot. Go see the place. I’ve heard the women there are amazingly beautiful.” She had a sly smile on her face. I wanted to tell her I didn’t care if I laid my eyes on another woman again, if she wasn’t with me. But I didn’t.
I realized that I only had another month with her. She’d rejected every guy who’d asked her out ever since I’d known her. I didn’t want the same to happen to me, and I didn’t want to make it awkward between us. I didn’t want to risk that month. I wanted it to be the best time I had ever spent with her. After I came back from the US, I might not even get to meet her again. Two years was a long time. We ate out almost every night. We visited some of the best restaurants in the city. She also helped me shop for warm clothes, formalwear, shoes, toothpaste and a million things I’d never have thought of on my
own.
”You need to buy a nail-cutter.” My roommates and I shared one. ”I’ve prepared a list of must-have medicines that you should carry.”
”Your iron won’t work in the US. No point buying one here as you need one that works at a hundred and ten volts and has flat pins. You can buy one at a K-Mart or Wal-Mart as soon as you get there.”
”You need at least two pairs of formal shoes and at least ten pairs of dark socks. The East Coast has a formal dress code. And you won’t do your laundry more than once a week or two.”
”How many ties do you have? And which trousers do your blazers go with?”
”Better get a haircut before you leave from here. Knowing you, you’ll postpone the first haircut for too long.”
She’d call me up at one in the morning to tell me to add ‘one more item’ to my list. And with every passing day, I was falling more deeply in love with her.
The month swept by quickly. The day I was supposed to leave, I asked her to come with me to the airport. “Of course, dumbo. You think I’d let you go just like that, or what?”
After packing my bags for me and checking the lists for the hundredth time, she finally pronounced me “Good to go.”
We reached the airport four hours early to beat the rush, because it was an international flight. She got a visitor’s pass to sit in the waiting area while I went ahead and checked-in my bags. Preeti had got a spring balance from somewhere and so we knew my bags were well within the weight limit. I finished the formalities and came to sit with her. We had only a few hours before I had to go for my security-check. We decided to get something to eat at the food court. And all the time, the one thing that was going through my head was that, after this, I wouldn’t see her for at least another two years.
”Hey, Champ. Why so glum?” She saved ‘Champ’ for special days. Normally, it was just ‘dumbo’, ‘bozo’, ‘ape-man’, ‘matchstick man’, ’weirdo’, or if she was very irritated with me, ‘nutcase’.
”I don’t want to go,” I said.
”I don’t want you to go either.”
”No, you don’t understand.” I couldn’t hold it in any longer. “I can’t stand the thought of living without you by my side.”
She stared at me. There was a strange look in her eyes. I couldn’t read it.
”I am madly in love with you, Preeti.”
At this, a sound escaped her lips that sounded like a cross between a sob and a laugh. “Well, dumbo, you’ve picked an absolutely fabulous time to tell me about it!”
A tear escaped her eyes. It was all I could do to stop myself from wiping it off her cheeks.
”How long have you felt this way?” She seemed amused, though she was definitely crying. I didn’t know what to make of it.
”From the day I found out you had baked me a cake.” She laughed. “That’s all it took? Well, bozo, I guess a way to a man’s
heart is certainly through his stomach! Hold it. A month? You waited a month? You were the one who kept saying that if you really liked a girl you wouldn’t waste a day in telling her!” She was smiling widely now. It looked funny, with her eyes all wet.
”Well, I was confused. How did I know how you’d react? In fact, I still don’t understand your reaction. I thought it would change things between us. You’ve rejected every guy who ever proposed to you!”
”That’s because I’m in love with you, you overgrown idiot!”
”What?” Somehow, I’d never expected her to say that. She was in love with me? “How long have you been in love with me?”
”Ever since the day you offered to carry my suitcase for me.”
”But that was the first day I met you!”
”I guess I was always a sucker for chivalry.”
”All this time you’ve been in love with me and you never said anything! Then you go and complain that I waited a month!”
”You guys are so bad at reading a girl’s mind.”
”You women are so good at keeping your thoughts a secret! Even Einstein couldn’t figure you out.”
”Einstein was a nerd. Casanova, on the other hand, understood us very well.”
”I love you.”
”I know.”
That moment, my dear friends, was magic. I looked into her eyes and took her hands in mine. Physical contact for us had been limited, until then, to a punch in the arm, a slap on the back of the head, or giving each other a ‘high five’.
”You realize, don’t you,” she said, “that this is our first date?” Leave it to her to notice the little things.
”I really don’t want to go.” I’d always maintained that love is a bucketful of emotions. I wasn’t exactly delighted to be proved right.
”Don’t worry. I’m coming there in a couple of months.”
”How? On a dependent visa?”
She laughed. “For that, I’ll have to wait, won’t I? I’ve got a project in New Jersey.”
I couldn’t believe my ears. “What? When did that happen? You never even told me!”
”Well, I wasn’t sure you’d propose before you left. And I couldn’t exactly sacrifice you to those New York women, could I? I had to watch out for myself. So I went on a project-hunting spree. There is an opportunity coming up for a project in about two months. Someone is coming back to India, so I’ll be taking his place. They want me there for a little less than two years.” She was beaming. “I realized I had struck gold!”
”And if I’d not told you how I felt? When were you planning on telling me about it?”
”Around a month before I reached there. I had to make it look natural. Or you’d think I was desperate.”
”Well, you are desperate!” This was incredible. All I’d done in the past month had been to mope around, listen to sad songs and write her letters that I never intended her to read. “You’ve been scheming all this while! How come you didn’t lay a trap for me a year ago?”
”I tried giving you hints, dumbo, but you just wouldn’t pay attention!” She was laughing. “You’re the only guy I ever spent any time with. Wasn’t that a big enough hint?”
That was true. She would happily join a group of boys to go to a cricket match, but I now realized, only if I was one of them.
”What if I had rejected you?” I was extremely flattered that she’d been crazy about me for a year. My ego was swelling.
”You must be kidding!” she was clearly amused. “I get proposed to every few days. You are the one who’s been rejected more times in the last year than I can count on two pairs of hands!”
She really knew how to burst my bubble. ”Hey,” she said softly, “don’t look so dejected. I said ‘Yes’, didn’t I?”
I grinned. “Yes, you did. And you’ve made me a very happy man. But you know what would make me even happier?”
”What?”
”If you learn to cook as good as you bake cakes.” So she punched me in the arm again.
”To love without condition..to talk without intention..to give without reason..& to care without expectation..is the heart of a True Friend”
It was a lovely December morning in the hottest city in the world. All right, so that was a little unfair. Chennai is not the hottest city in the world. But it certainly is the city with the most uncomfortable weather among the cities that I have lived in. And I’ve been around. But I digress.
I was in the company bus on my way to work, as usual trying to catch up with my sleep. On this particular day, a girl got on the bus, came to my seat and sat down. “Good Morning,” she said. I looked back at her through half closed eyes, replied “Good Night,” and then proceeded to return to my half hour nap before the bus reached the office. Unfortunately, I was woken up by a punch in the arm.
”Wake up, bozo!” She was looking at me with a big smile on her face. ”I’m not sitting next to you to listen to you snore.”
Half-heartedly, I opened my eyes and turned to her. “What’s up?” I asked.
Preeti Mehra was tall, good-looking and slightly tomboyish. She was also my best buddy. “Come on,” she said. “Don’t look so disappointed. You’d rather sleep than talk to me?”
”I talk to you everyday, Preeti.”
”You also sleep everyday.”
”It’s not enough.”
”So you’ve had enough of talking to me, eh?”
You can’t argue with a statement like that, so I had to give up. I grinned and said, “OK, sweetheart. What’s on your mind?”
”I wanted to tell you what happened yesterday. Can you guess?”
”Anurag called you last night.”
”How did you know?” She was stunned.
”Oh, he asked me for your number yesterday.”
”And you gave it to him?”
”What else could I do? And stop complaining. You’ve been drooling over
him for weeks now. He must have thought he had a chance.”
Preeti was the kind of girl who would openly ogle at every other guy she saw. And yet, she would not respond to any advances of a romantic nature. She’d happily join a group of boys to go to a cricket match, but if asked out to a movie, dinner, or even coffee, she’d never say yes. She defined ‘Hard-To-Get’.
”You like putting me in these situations, don’t you?” she said.
”No. That’s not true. I love putting you in these situations!”
That invited another punch in the arm.
I had known Preeti for a year. We’d tell each other about our joys and our sorrows, our victories and our defeats. I’d tell her about all my crushes and she’d scold me for being silly. She’d drag me to classical music concerts and I’d add them to the list of things she ‘owed me’ for. And though I never let it show, I must say that she punched pretty hard.
~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~
It was 12:00 am and my phone was ringing. “Hello,” I said, as I picked it up.
”Happy Birthday!” It was she.
”You’re supposed to throw me a surprise party, sweetheart. Not just call to say Happy Birthday.”
”Well then open your door, dumbo!”
So I did and found her, cell-phone in hand, at my doorstep — with what seemed like half the population of my company. My roommates were supposed to be working late that night. Now I knew why. I blew a lot of candles (seemed like much more than 25), cut my cake, got kicked in the behind, and got painted with the cake’s icing. If Preeti had had her way, she’d probably have preferred to use a paintbrush and a can of paint. But I bribed her with a copy of the book “Lord of the
Rings”. She’d borrowed it from me three times already. I thought it was about time I gave her a copy for herself.
We chatted for an hour after everyone had gone. “I think it’s time I left,” she said finally, trying to stifle a yawn. I nodded. I dropped her home in my roommate’s car. As she was getting out of the car, I stopped her.
”Hey, Preeti.”
”What?”
”Thanks.”
”Hey, don’t get senti on me now!” she smiled. “Are you trying to worm out of that gift you promised me?”
”You know, it’s interesting how I’m getting you a gift on my birthday.”
”That’s just because you’re stupid,” she grinned. “And you better get me that book, or I won’t return your copy.”
”Hey, that copy was a gift to me from my dear friend Preeti Mehra. I can’t let you keep that.”
She wasn’t falling for that. “Your dear friend? And what about me? Am I not dear to you?”
”Very smart. That won’t work with me. I’m not one of your Love Crazy suitors. Why do you need the book anyway? You’ve read it umpteen times already.”
”That is besides the point. You are getting me the book. We both know that.” She smiled that wide confident smile of hers.
“Good night.” And she got out of the car.
I sat there for some time, just thinking. Our conversations were always like this - a little joking, a little teasing and a lot of demanding. But somehow, I felt that something had changed since the moment she had turned up at my door that night. I was still in my reverie when a paper ball landed on the windshield. I craned my neck out of the window and looked up. She was standing in her balcony.
”What are you still doing there?” she whispered loudly.
”Waiting for you to start a paper-ball fight,” I whispered back.
”We can do that tomorrow. Go home now. It’s way past your bedtime!”
”Ok, mommy,” I grinned back. “I’m going home now!”
~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~
I’m an extravagant gift-giver, and it is definitely going to be my downfall some day. I made her wait for it, but finally bought her the book. That, and half-a-dozen other omnibus collections of various authors, including a copy each of `The Complete Works of Shakespeare’ and `The Complete Short Stories of Charles Dickens’. All I got for it was an “I told you so.”
I started spending a lot of time at her place after that. Mostly because I wanted to read all those books, and she wouldn’t lend them to me.
”I’m not as stupid as you, ape-man. I’m not falling into the same trap I laid for you. Plus, you dog-ear your books. You’re not doing that to these masterpieces. So if you want to read them, you read them here. And if you want to mark your place, use a bookmark.”
So that’s what I did. She’d even make me wash my hands before I touched the books. It was as if they were sacred.
”Need I remind you that it was me that bought you the books in the first place? For my birthday!”
”So? They’re mine now.”
”Well, then. I’ve been meaning to ask you this for a long time. Where exactly is my birthday gift?”
”It was in your tummy at one point of time. It’s probably been washed into the sea by now.”
”Huh?”
”Remember the cake I baked you on your birthday?”
”You what? You can’t bake cakes!” That was a mistake. She looked hurt. ”You baked me a cake?” She didn’t say a word. She just shrugged.
I was stunned. “But you never told me.”
”You didn’t ask.” That was typical of her.
”It was fantastic! And you wasted most of the icing on me!”
”The cake was for you, dumbo.”
”How long did it take you to make the whole thing?” It had been a two-layered vanilla-chocolate cake with three flavors of very creamy icing. She had done all that!
”Well, the chocolate cake took an hour and fifteen minutes, and so did the vanilla. Then cutting them up and putting them together took another 15 minutes. Each flavor of icing took 20 minutes for preparation, and then putting it on the cake took another half hour. Cleaning up the mess took an hour.”
She seldom claimed the credit for anything, but once she started bragging, there was no stopping her. However, I wasn’t thinking about that right then.
”You spent over five hours on that cake?”
”A little over four hours preparing it, and an hour cleaning up. Yes.”
I was speechless. I didn’t know how to react. She hated cooking.
”I forgot to mention,” she continued, “the hours I spent the week before that, practicing. Even the birds wouldn’t touch the first three cakes!”
I couldn’t help but ask. “Why?”
”Because the first one got burnt, the second one was only half cooked, and in the third one, I forgot to add sugar.”
It was just like her, to try to divert the conversation. “I mean why did you spend so much time on baking me a cake?”
She looked at me like I’d asked her why the sun rises in the east.
”For your birthday, stupid. Of course, I also wanted to beat every gift you’ve ever got me. Try beating this one.” She was grinning like she’d won the world championship.
As far as I was concerned, she had. I’d never spent a week making her anything. I’d never even spent an hour making her anything. Getting her a gift normally involved me taking her to the store, letting her choose and use my credit card. Suddenly, I felt cheap. “Thanks,” was the only thing I could say. “Thanks a lot.”
”Hey. Are you getting senti on me again?”
I was.
~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~
I was still mulling over my feelings for Preeti the next day at work when my boss asked to speak to me.
I went over to his cabin and he started with the usual greetings, asking how work was going and whether I was comfortable. He then told me that the company wanted to send me to New York for a couple of years. Normally, this wouldn’t have made much of a difference to me. I
could work anywhere and didn’t have too much love for visiting places foreign. But right then, the first thought that came to me was that I’d be away from Preeti for two whole years. Twenty-four hours before,
I’d have been disappointed to lose her company. But right then, I was devastated. That was when I knew I was in love with her. I’d had crushes before. Lots of them. But this was different.
”Do you have any problem in going?” my boss asked, since I hadn’t responded.
”Not really,” I replied. What else could I say? That I was in love, and couldn’t bear the separation?
”When do I have to leave?”
I had a month.
~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~
”Wow! New York! Great! I’ve heard it’s a fantastic city! Did you know it snows there in winter?” Preeti was obviously very excited about my going. She didn’t seem to share my disappointment on what I now saw as ’separation’.
I had not decided then if I was going to tell her how I felt. We’d known each other for a little over a year, and we were very close, but beyond some mild flirting, the relationship had never got even close to romantic. That was, of course, until I found out she had spent a week baking me a cake. It’s funny how small things seem to make such a big difference.
”What happened?” she asked. “You don’t seem very happy.”
”Oh,” I replied, “it’s just that it’s so sudden, that’s all. And you know I was never all that interested in going to America.”
”What an idiot. Go see the place. I’ve heard the women there are amazingly beautiful.” She had a sly smile on her face. I wanted to tell her I didn’t care if I laid my eyes on another woman again, if she wasn’t with me. But I didn’t.
I realized that I only had another month with her. She’d rejected every guy who’d asked her out ever since I’d known her. I didn’t want the same to happen to me, and I didn’t want to make it awkward between us. I didn’t want to risk that month. I wanted it to be the best time I had ever spent with her. After I came back from the US, I might not even get to meet her again. Two years was a long time. We ate out almost every night. We visited some of the best restaurants in the city. She also helped me shop for warm clothes, formalwear, shoes, toothpaste and a million things I’d never have thought of on my
own.
”You need to buy a nail-cutter.” My roommates and I shared one. ”I’ve prepared a list of must-have medicines that you should carry.”
”Your iron won’t work in the US. No point buying one here as you need one that works at a hundred and ten volts and has flat pins. You can buy one at a K-Mart or Wal-Mart as soon as you get there.”
”You need at least two pairs of formal shoes and at least ten pairs of dark socks. The East Coast has a formal dress code. And you won’t do your laundry more than once a week or two.”
”How many ties do you have? And which trousers do your blazers go with?”
”Better get a haircut before you leave from here. Knowing you, you’ll postpone the first haircut for too long.”
She’d call me up at one in the morning to tell me to add ‘one more item’ to my list. And with every passing day, I was falling more deeply in love with her.
The month swept by quickly. The day I was supposed to leave, I asked her to come with me to the airport. “Of course, dumbo. You think I’d let you go just like that, or what?”
After packing my bags for me and checking the lists for the hundredth time, she finally pronounced me “Good to go.”
We reached the airport four hours early to beat the rush, because it was an international flight. She got a visitor’s pass to sit in the waiting area while I went ahead and checked-in my bags. Preeti had got a spring balance from somewhere and so we knew my bags were well within the weight limit. I finished the formalities and came to sit with her. We had only a few hours before I had to go for my security-check. We decided to get something to eat at the food court. And all the time, the one thing that was going through my head was that, after this, I wouldn’t see her for at least another two years.
”Hey, Champ. Why so glum?” She saved ‘Champ’ for special days. Normally, it was just ‘dumbo’, ‘bozo’, ‘ape-man’, ‘matchstick man’, ’weirdo’, or if she was very irritated with me, ‘nutcase’.
”I don’t want to go,” I said.
”I don’t want you to go either.”
”No, you don’t understand.” I couldn’t hold it in any longer. “I can’t stand the thought of living without you by my side.”
She stared at me. There was a strange look in her eyes. I couldn’t read it.
”I am madly in love with you, Preeti.”
At this, a sound escaped her lips that sounded like a cross between a sob and a laugh. “Well, dumbo, you’ve picked an absolutely fabulous time to tell me about it!”
A tear escaped her eyes. It was all I could do to stop myself from wiping it off her cheeks.
”How long have you felt this way?” She seemed amused, though she was definitely crying. I didn’t know what to make of it.
”From the day I found out you had baked me a cake.” She laughed. “That’s all it took? Well, bozo, I guess a way to a man’s
heart is certainly through his stomach! Hold it. A month? You waited a month? You were the one who kept saying that if you really liked a girl you wouldn’t waste a day in telling her!” She was smiling widely now. It looked funny, with her eyes all wet.
”Well, I was confused. How did I know how you’d react? In fact, I still don’t understand your reaction. I thought it would change things between us. You’ve rejected every guy who ever proposed to you!”
”That’s because I’m in love with you, you overgrown idiot!”
”What?” Somehow, I’d never expected her to say that. She was in love with me? “How long have you been in love with me?”
”Ever since the day you offered to carry my suitcase for me.”
”But that was the first day I met you!”
”I guess I was always a sucker for chivalry.”
”All this time you’ve been in love with me and you never said anything! Then you go and complain that I waited a month!”
”You guys are so bad at reading a girl’s mind.”
”You women are so good at keeping your thoughts a secret! Even Einstein couldn’t figure you out.”
”Einstein was a nerd. Casanova, on the other hand, understood us very well.”
”I love you.”
”I know.”
That moment, my dear friends, was magic. I looked into her eyes and took her hands in mine. Physical contact for us had been limited, until then, to a punch in the arm, a slap on the back of the head, or giving each other a ‘high five’.
”You realize, don’t you,” she said, “that this is our first date?” Leave it to her to notice the little things.
”I really don’t want to go.” I’d always maintained that love is a bucketful of emotions. I wasn’t exactly delighted to be proved right.
”Don’t worry. I’m coming there in a couple of months.”
”How? On a dependent visa?”
She laughed. “For that, I’ll have to wait, won’t I? I’ve got a project in New Jersey.”
I couldn’t believe my ears. “What? When did that happen? You never even told me!”
”Well, I wasn’t sure you’d propose before you left. And I couldn’t exactly sacrifice you to those New York women, could I? I had to watch out for myself. So I went on a project-hunting spree. There is an opportunity coming up for a project in about two months. Someone is coming back to India, so I’ll be taking his place. They want me there for a little less than two years.” She was beaming. “I realized I had struck gold!”
”And if I’d not told you how I felt? When were you planning on telling me about it?”
”Around a month before I reached there. I had to make it look natural. Or you’d think I was desperate.”
”Well, you are desperate!” This was incredible. All I’d done in the past month had been to mope around, listen to sad songs and write her letters that I never intended her to read. “You’ve been scheming all this while! How come you didn’t lay a trap for me a year ago?”
”I tried giving you hints, dumbo, but you just wouldn’t pay attention!” She was laughing. “You’re the only guy I ever spent any time with. Wasn’t that a big enough hint?”
That was true. She would happily join a group of boys to go to a cricket match, but I now realized, only if I was one of them.
”What if I had rejected you?” I was extremely flattered that she’d been crazy about me for a year. My ego was swelling.
”You must be kidding!” she was clearly amused. “I get proposed to every few days. You are the one who’s been rejected more times in the last year than I can count on two pairs of hands!”
She really knew how to burst my bubble. ”Hey,” she said softly, “don’t look so dejected. I said ‘Yes’, didn’t I?”
I grinned. “Yes, you did. And you’ve made me a very happy man. But you know what would make me even happier?”
”What?”
”If you learn to cook as good as you bake cakes.” So she punched me in the arm again.
Oct 29, 2006
Some Funnies
I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air,it was blown away.
then I wrote your name on my heart & i got Heart Attack .
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
God saw me hungry, he created pizza .
He saw me thirsty, he created pepsi .
He saw me in dark, he created light .
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
TEACHER== Name four members of the cat family?
STUDENTS== Daddy cat,Mummy cat and two kittens !
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Police man== Stop, stop, your headlights are not working.
The Man== Move, move, even the brakes are not working.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Why does history keep repeating it self?
Because we weren’t listening the first time !
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A sardar ji pulled out 6 people from a burning house…
still he was in jail…….why?
coz all the 6 were firebrigade staff !
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
“Doctor, doctor, will i be able to play the
violin after the operation?”
“yes of course….”
“Great ! i never could before”
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The rain makes all things beautiful. The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful why dosen’t it rain on you?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
When ur life is in darkness pray to God ask him to
free u from darkness and if after you pray and your
still in darkness, please pay your ELECTRICITY BILL
I wrote your name in air,it was blown away.
then I wrote your name on my heart & i got Heart Attack .
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
God saw me hungry, he created pizza .
He saw me thirsty, he created pepsi .
He saw me in dark, he created light .
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
TEACHER== Name four members of the cat family?
STUDENTS== Daddy cat,Mummy cat and two kittens !
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Police man== Stop, stop, your headlights are not working.
The Man== Move, move, even the brakes are not working.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Why does history keep repeating it self?
Because we weren’t listening the first time !
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A sardar ji pulled out 6 people from a burning house…
still he was in jail…….why?
coz all the 6 were firebrigade staff !
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
“Doctor, doctor, will i be able to play the
violin after the operation?”
“yes of course….”
“Great ! i never could before”
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The rain makes all things beautiful. The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful why dosen’t it rain on you?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
When ur life is in darkness pray to God ask him to
free u from darkness and if after you pray and your
still in darkness, please pay your ELECTRICITY BILL
Oct 28, 2006
Punctuation is powerful !!
An English professor wrote the words: “A woman without her man is nothing” on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.
All of the males in the class wrote: ”A woman, without her man, is nothing.”
All the females in the class wrote: “A woman: without her, man is nothing.”
Punctuation is powerful !!!
All of the males in the class wrote: ”A woman, without her man, is nothing.”
All the females in the class wrote: “A woman: without her, man is nothing.”
Punctuation is powerful !!!
Oct 27, 2006
3 Turtles
Once 3 turtles decided to go on a picnic.
When they got there, they realized they had forgotten the soda.
The youngest said he would go home and get it if they wouldn’t eat the snacks
until he got back.
A week went by,
Then a month,
A year
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
And finally 2 turtles decided:
OH! Come-on, let’s eat the snacks. Suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said:
If you do like this, I won’t go!
When they got there, they realized they had forgotten the soda.
The youngest said he would go home and get it if they wouldn’t eat the snacks
until he got back.
A week went by,
Then a month,
A year
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
And finally 2 turtles decided:
OH! Come-on, let’s eat the snacks. Suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said:
If you do like this, I won’t go!
Baba's
This is a conversation that took place between a person in the public (Y) and a marketing guy(X)
X: Which shaving cream do you use?
Y: Baba’s
X: Which aftershave do you use?
Y: Baba’s
X: Which deodorant do you use?
Y: Baba’s
X: Which toothpaste do you use?
Y: Baba’s
X: Which shampoo do you use?
Y: Baba’s
X: Which socks do you use?
Y: Baba’s
X: Which vests do you use?
Y: Baba’s
X (Frustrated): Okay, tell me, what is this Baba? Is it an international company???
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
Y: No, He is my roommate
X: Which shaving cream do you use?
Y: Baba’s
X: Which aftershave do you use?
Y: Baba’s
X: Which deodorant do you use?
Y: Baba’s
X: Which toothpaste do you use?
Y: Baba’s
X: Which shampoo do you use?
Y: Baba’s
X: Which socks do you use?
Y: Baba’s
X: Which vests do you use?
Y: Baba’s
X (Frustrated): Okay, tell me, what is this Baba? Is it an international company???
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
Y: No, He is my roommate
Similarities between Girls and Windows.
Girls and Windows
- Both have a great UI.
- Both consume large resources and do less work.
- Both crash unexpectedly.
- Both are not easily portable on different architectures (environment).
- Both can’t work on low resource architectures (environment).
- Both are costly to maintain.
- Both give mostly unexpected outputs.
- Both’s working often contradicts with their documentation.
- Both are easily prone to viruses (rumors and doubts) (and they (viruses) do spread very fast in windows based networks).
- In spite of all above disadvantages, both are liked.
Oct 26, 2006
I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF…..
I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF…..
you have to think before you speak to me!
I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF…..
my presence ever makes you feel uncomfortable!
I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF…..
you have to thank me for everything I do for you!
I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF…..
you have to say sorry for everything that you don’t do!
I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF…..
you have to ask me for favours!
I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF…..
you think i would not be curious to know your new philosophy of life!
I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF…..
you go by what I say and do not understand what I don’t say!
I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF…..
you think that listening to your dreams would put me to sleep!
I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF…..
you think that seeing you in pain, would not bring a tear to me!
I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF…..
you think I do not remember the first time we met!
I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF…..
you don’t see the thousand ways I try to make you happy!
I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF…..
you don’t realize how your smile brightens up my day!
I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF…..
you would rather keep quiet when you really wanna talk!
I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF…..
you hesitate to ask me to stay back when you think we should be together!
I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF…..
you take too much time to tell me what i mean to you!
Oct 25, 2006
Female Comebacks !!
Man: Haven’t I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that’s why I don’t go there anymore. Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down. Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I’ll go to mine. Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I’m a female impersonator.
Man: Hey baby, what’s your sign?
Woman: Do not enter. Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today. Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there? Man: If I could see you naked, I’d die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I’d probably die laughing
Santa Funnies
1.Santa : What is the meaning of SMS ?
Banta : It Means...
S - Sardaro ka
M - Mazaak udane ki
S - Service
2. Sardarji opens his lunch box in the middle of the road....why ?
Just to confirm whether he is going to or coming back from the office
3. A sardar saw a beautiful girl. he went and kissed her.
GIRL: "stupid,what are you doin...?"
Sardar: " B.Com Final Year....
4. Santa was driving car zigzag on the road. Traffic inspector stopped him.
Santa: Sir, I am learning the car.
Inspector: without instructor?
Santa: Sir, this is a correspondence course.
5. Once a school teacher told kids to write an essay on cricket match. Everybody was busy writing except santa, he wrote "Match cancelled due to rain".
6. Petrol ke rate badhne par Santa bola: "Menu koi farak nahin penda. Pehle bhi 100 ka bharwata tha ab bhi 100 ka bharwata hoon."
7. A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell. Santa does not turns up for 4 days. Lady calls again, Santa replies: I am coming daily from 4 days, I press the bell, but no one comes out.
8. Santa khali kadahi me chammach chala raha tha to Banta ne poocha kya bana rahe ho? Santa- BEWAKOOF bana raha hoon..
9. A man told santa: Banta is kissing your wife. Santa hurriedly rushed to home, within half hour came back angrily and slapped the man and said: He is not Banta.
10. Santa is repeatedly buying movie tickets. On being asked, santa replied: A man standing at the entry, tears my ticket everytime.
Oct 20, 2006
FunnY IntervieW
Interviewer: Tell me about yourself.
Candidate: I am Rameshwar Kulkarni. I did my Tele Communication engineering from BabanRao Dhole Institute of Technology.
Interviewer: BabanRao Dhole. Institute of Technology? I had never heard of this college before!
Candidate: Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an admission into it . What happened is - due to cricket world cup I scored badly in 12th.I was getting a paid seat in a good college. But my father said (I prefer to call him 'baap') - "I can not invest so much of money".(The baap actually said - "I will never waste so much of money on you"). So I had to join this college. Frankly speaking this name - BabanRao Dhole, can at the most be related to a Shetakari Mahavidyalaya he he he...
Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete your engineering.
Candidate: Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But you know, these cricket matches and football world cup, and tennis tournaments. It is difficult to concentrate. So I flunked in 2nd and 3rd year. So in all I took 4 + 2 = 7 years.
Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6.
Candidate: Oh, is it? You know I always had KT in maths. But I will try to keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good, thanks. These cricket matches really affect exams a lot. I think they should ban it.
Interviewer: Good to know that you want cricket matches to be banned.
Candidate: No, no.. I am talking about Exams!!
Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?
Candidate: Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never thought I would complete it. In fact, when i flunked in 3rd year, she was looking for a job for me in BEST (Bus corporation in Andhra Pradesh) through some relative.
Interviewer: Do you have any plans of higher study?
Candidate: he he he... Are you kidding? Completing 'lower' education itself was so much of pain!
Interviewer: Let's talk about technical stuff. On which platforms have you worked?
Candidate: Well, I work at KPHB (Kukatpalli Housing Board), so you can say Ameerpet is my current platform. Earlier I was at Charminaar center. Therefore, Charminaar was my platform then. As you can see, I have experience of different platforms! (Charminaar and Ameerpet are the places in Hyderabad)
Interviewer: And which languages have you used?
Candidate: Telugu, Hindi, English. By the way, I can keep quiet in German, French, Russian and many other languages he he he...
Interviewer: Why VC is better than VB?
Candidate: It is a common sense - C comes after B. Therefore, VC is a higher version than VB. I heard very soon they are coming up with a new language VD! Also...
Interviewer: Do you know anything about Assembly Language?
Candidate: Well, I have not heard of it. However, I guess, this is the language our ministers and MPs use in assembly.
Interviewer: What is your general project experience?
Candidate: My general experience about projects is - most of the times they are in pipeline!
Interviewer: Can you tell me about your current job?
Candidate: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata InfoTech ltd. Since joining BIL(Bata InfoTech Ltd.), I am on Bench. Before joining BIL, I used to think that Bench was another software like Windows he he he..
Interviewer: Do you have any project management experience?
Candidate: No, but I guess it should not be difficult. I know Word and Excel. I can talk a lot. I know how to dial for International phone call and use speaker facility. And very important - I know few words like - 'Showstoppers ' , 'hot fixes', 'SEI-CMM','quality','versioncontrol', 'deadlines' , 'Customer Satisfaction' etc. In addition, I can blame others for my mistakes!
Interviewer: What are your expectations from our company?
Candidate: Not much.
1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand.
2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it should not have deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects natural talent.
3. I believe in flexi-timings.
4. Dress code is against basic freedom, so I would like to wear t-shirt and jeans.
5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest Wednesday off also, avoiding breakdown due to overwork.
6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short term preferably 1-2 months) assignments. Personally, I prefer US, Australia and Europe. But considering the fact that there is a world cup in West Indies in 2007,I don't mind going there in that period . As you can see I am modest and do not have many expectations. So can I assume my selection?
Interviewer: he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our organization. In fact, I was never entertained so much before. We look forward to working with you... :-)
What is Effective Communication ???
Jack and Max are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying. Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?" Therefore, Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Priest, may I smoke while I pray?" However, the Priest says, "No, my son, you may not. That's utter disrespect to our religion." Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him. Max says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try." Therefore, Max goes up to the Priest and asks, "Priest, may I pray while I smoke?" To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son, by all means." Moral: The reply you get depends on the question you ask.
Some facts about Orkut:
- Orkut Buyukkokten(the creator of Orkut) gets $12 when every person registers to this website.
- He also gets $10 when you add somebody as a friend.
- He gets $8 when your friend's friend adds you as a friend & gets $6 if anybody adds you as a friend in the resulting chain.
- He gets $5 when you scrap somebody & $4 when somebody scraps you.
- He also gets $200 for each photograph you upload on Orkut.
- He gets $2.5 when you add your friend in the crush-list or in the hot-list.
- He gets $2 when you become somebody's fan.
- He gets $1.5 when somebody else becomes your fan.
- He even gets $1 every time you logout of Orkut.
- He gets $0.5 every time you just change your profile-photograph.
- He also gets $0.5 every time you read your friend's scrap-book & $0.5 every time you view your friend's friend-list.
- Many Global Financial Consultants think this person might become the richest-person in the world by the end of 2009.
- Finally, this is the best fact. This person has 13 assistants to monitor his scrapbook & 8 assistants to monitor his friends-list. He gets around 20,000 friend-requests a day & about 85,000 scraps a day.
It's not the fault of the student if he fails, because the year ONLY has 365' days.
Typical academic year for a student:
1. Sundays-52, Sundays in a year, you know Sundays are for rest. Days left 313.
2. Summer holidays-50 where weather is very hot and difficult to study.Days left 263.
3. 8 hours daily sleep- 130 days GONE. Days left 141.
4. 1 hour for daily playing- (good for health) means 15 days. Days left 126.
5. 2 hours daily for food & other delicacies (chewing properly & swallowing)-means 30days. Days left 96.
6. 1 hour for talking (man is a social animal)-means 15 days. Days left 81.
7. Exam days- per year at least 35 days. Days left 46.
8. Quarterly, Half yearly and festival (holidays)-40 days. Balance 6 days.
9. For sickness- at least 3 days. Remaining days=3.
10. Movies and functions - at least 2 days. 1 day left.
11. That 1 day is your birthday.
How can you study on that day??????!!!!!!!!!!
Balance = 0
" Then how can a student pass ??"
Oct 19, 2006
Kidnapping by a sardar..........
There was a Sardarji who was down on his luck.In order to raise some money he decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. He went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him,
"I've kidnapped you." Sardarji then wrote a note saying: "I've kidnapped your kid. tomorrow morning, put Rs.2,00,000 in a paper bag and put it beneath the mango tree on the north side of the city playground".
Signed: "A Sardarji".
Sardarji then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the Sardarji checked, and sure enough a paper bag was kept beneath the mango tree.
The boy was sitting next to the bag. Sardarji opened up the bag and found the Rs.2,00,000 in cash with a note saying: "How can a sardarji do this to a fellow Sardarji?
Take the money, and please leave my son."
Signed: Another Sardarji
BillGates after Death
Read what happened to bill after death
Well, Bill,” said God, “I’m really confused on this one. I’m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell! After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in the world and yet you created that ghastly Windows. I’m going to do something I’ve never done before. I’m going to let you decide where you want to go!”
Mr. Gates replied, “Well, thanks, Lord. What’s the difference between the two?”
God said, “You can take a peek at both places briefly if it will help you decide. Shall we look at Hell first?” “Sure!” said Bill. “Let’s go!”
Bill was amazed! He saw a clean, white sandy beach with clear waters. There were thousands of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining and the temperature was just perfect!
Bill said, “This is great! If this is Hell, I can’t wait to see Heaven!”
To which God replied, “Let’s go!” and off they went. Bill saw puffy white clouds in a beautiful blue sky with angels drifting about playing harps and singing.
It was nice, but surely not as enticing as Hell. Mr. Gates thought for only a brief moment and rendered his decision.
“God, I do believe I would like to go to Hell.”
“As you desire,” said God.
Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late
billionaire to see how things were going. He found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming among the hot flames in a dark cave. He was being burned and tortured by demons.
“How ya doin’, Bill?” asked God. Bill responded with anguish and despair.
“This is awful! This is not what I expected at all! What Happened to the beach and the beautiful women playing in the water?”
“Oh, THAT!” said God. “That was the screen saver”
Well, Bill,” said God, “I’m really confused on this one. I’m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell! After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in the world and yet you created that ghastly Windows. I’m going to do something I’ve never done before. I’m going to let you decide where you want to go!”
Mr. Gates replied, “Well, thanks, Lord. What’s the difference between the two?”
God said, “You can take a peek at both places briefly if it will help you decide. Shall we look at Hell first?” “Sure!” said Bill. “Let’s go!”
Bill was amazed! He saw a clean, white sandy beach with clear waters. There were thousands of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining and the temperature was just perfect!
Bill said, “This is great! If this is Hell, I can’t wait to see Heaven!”
To which God replied, “Let’s go!” and off they went. Bill saw puffy white clouds in a beautiful blue sky with angels drifting about playing harps and singing.
It was nice, but surely not as enticing as Hell. Mr. Gates thought for only a brief moment and rendered his decision.
“God, I do believe I would like to go to Hell.”
“As you desire,” said God.
Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late
billionaire to see how things were going. He found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming among the hot flames in a dark cave. He was being burned and tortured by demons.
“How ya doin’, Bill?” asked God. Bill responded with anguish and despair.
“This is awful! This is not what I expected at all! What Happened to the beach and the beautiful women playing in the water?”
“Oh, THAT!” said God. “That was the screen saver”
BBC says about Taj Mahal---Hidden Truth - Never say it is a Tomb
No one has ever challenged it except Prof. P. N. Oak, who believes the whole world has been duped.
In his book Taj Mahal: The True Story, Oak says the Taj Mahal is not Queen Mumtaz's tomb but an ancient Hindu temple palace of Lord Shiva (then known as Tejo Mahalaya). In the course of his research Oak discovered that the Shiva temple palace was usurped by Shah Jahan from then Maharaja of Jaipur, Jai Singh.
In his own court chronicle,Badshahnama,Shah Jahan admits that an exceptionally beautiful grand mansion in Agra was taken from Jai SIngh for Mumtaz's burial. The ex-Maharaja of Jaipur still retains in his secret collection two orders from Shah Jahan for surrendering the Taj building. Using captured temples and mansions, as a burial place for dead courtiers and royalty was a common practice among Muslim rulers.
For example, Humayun,Akbar, Etmud-ud-Daula and Safdarjung are all buried in such mansions. Oak's inquiries began with the name of Taj Mahal. He says the term "Mahal" has never been used for a building in any Muslim countries from Afghanisthan to Algeria. "The unusual explanation that the term TajMahal derives from Mumtaz Mahal was illogical in atleast two respects.
Firstly, her name was never Mumtaz Mahal but Mumtaz-ul-Zamani ," he writes.
Secondly, one cannot omit the first three letters 'Mum' from a woman's name to derive the remainder as the name for the building."Taj Mahal, he claims, is a corrupt version of Tejo Mahalaya, or Lord Shiva's Palace.
Oak also says the love story of Mumtaz and Shah Jahan is a fairy tale created by court sycophants,blundering historians and sloppy archaeologists. Not a single royal chronicle of Shah Jahan's time corroborates the love story.
Furthermore, Oak cites several documents suggesting the Taj Mahal predates Shah Jahan's era, and was a temple dedicated to Shiva, worshipped by Rajputs of Agra city. For example, Prof. Marvin Miller of New York took a few samples from the riverside doorway of the Taj. Carbon dating tests revealed that the door was 300 years older than Shah Jahan. European traveler Johan Albert Mandelslo,who visited Agra in 1638 (only seven years after Mumtaz's death), describes the life of the cit y in his memoirs. But he makes no reference to the Taj Mahal being built. The writings of Peter Mundy, an English visitor to Agra within a year of Mumtaz's death, also suggest the Taj was a noteworthy building well before Shah Jahan's time.
Prof. Oak points out a number of design and architectural inconsistencies that support the belief of the Taj Mahal being a typical Hindu temple rather than a mausoleum. Many rooms in the Taj ! Mahal have remained sealed since Shah Jahan's time and are still inaccessible to the public. Oak asserts they contain a headless statue of Lord Shiva and other objects commonly used for worship rituals in Hindu temples.
Fearing political backlash, Indira Gandhi's government tried to have Prof. Oak's book withdrawn from the bookstores, and threatened the Indian publisher of the first edition dire consequences. There is only one way to discredit or validate Oak's research.The current government should open the sealed rooms of the Taj Mahal underU.N. supervision, and let international experts investigate.
please check this link ........it adds as a visual proof .........
http://www.stephen-knapp.com/was_the_taj_mahal_a_vedic_temple.htm
In his book Taj Mahal: The True Story, Oak says the Taj Mahal is not Queen Mumtaz's tomb but an ancient Hindu temple palace of Lord Shiva (then known as Tejo Mahalaya). In the course of his research Oak discovered that the Shiva temple palace was usurped by Shah Jahan from then Maharaja of Jaipur, Jai Singh.
In his own court chronicle,Badshahnama,Shah Jahan admits that an exceptionally beautiful grand mansion in Agra was taken from Jai SIngh for Mumtaz's burial. The ex-Maharaja of Jaipur still retains in his secret collection two orders from Shah Jahan for surrendering the Taj building. Using captured temples and mansions, as a burial place for dead courtiers and royalty was a common practice among Muslim rulers.
For example, Humayun,Akbar, Etmud-ud-Daula and Safdarjung are all buried in such mansions. Oak's inquiries began with the name of Taj Mahal. He says the term "Mahal" has never been used for a building in any Muslim countries from Afghanisthan to Algeria. "The unusual explanation that the term TajMahal derives from Mumtaz Mahal was illogical in atleast two respects.
Firstly, her name was never Mumtaz Mahal but Mumtaz-ul-Zamani ," he writes.
Secondly, one cannot omit the first three letters 'Mum' from a woman's name to derive the remainder as the name for the building."Taj Mahal, he claims, is a corrupt version of Tejo Mahalaya, or Lord Shiva's Palace.
Oak also says the love story of Mumtaz and Shah Jahan is a fairy tale created by court sycophants,blundering historians and sloppy archaeologists. Not a single royal chronicle of Shah Jahan's time corroborates the love story.
Furthermore, Oak cites several documents suggesting the Taj Mahal predates Shah Jahan's era, and was a temple dedicated to Shiva, worshipped by Rajputs of Agra city. For example, Prof. Marvin Miller of New York took a few samples from the riverside doorway of the Taj. Carbon dating tests revealed that the door was 300 years older than Shah Jahan. European traveler Johan Albert Mandelslo,who visited Agra in 1638 (only seven years after Mumtaz's death), describes the life of the cit y in his memoirs. But he makes no reference to the Taj Mahal being built. The writings of Peter Mundy, an English visitor to Agra within a year of Mumtaz's death, also suggest the Taj was a noteworthy building well before Shah Jahan's time.
Prof. Oak points out a number of design and architectural inconsistencies that support the belief of the Taj Mahal being a typical Hindu temple rather than a mausoleum. Many rooms in the Taj ! Mahal have remained sealed since Shah Jahan's time and are still inaccessible to the public. Oak asserts they contain a headless statue of Lord Shiva and other objects commonly used for worship rituals in Hindu temples.
Fearing political backlash, Indira Gandhi's government tried to have Prof. Oak's book withdrawn from the bookstores, and threatened the Indian publisher of the first edition dire consequences. There is only one way to discredit or validate Oak's research.The current government should open the sealed rooms of the Taj Mahal underU.N. supervision, and let international experts investigate.
please check this link ........it adds as a visual proof .........
http://www.stephen-knapp.com/was_the_taj_mahal_a_vedic_temple.htm
Oct 11, 2006
How to Manage Your Life
A professor stood before his Philosophy class and had some items in front of him.
When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar.
He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.
He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous “yes.”
The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand.
The students laughed.
“Now,” said the professor, as the laughter subsided, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.
“The golf balls are the important things - your God,family, your children, your health, your friends,and your favorite passions - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.”
“The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, and your car.”
“The sand is everything else–the small stuff.”
“If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued, “there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.
“The same goes for life. “If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.
“Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. “Take time to get medical checkups.”Take your partner out to dinner.”Play another 18.
“There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. “Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter.”Set your priorities.”The rest is just sand.”
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.
The professor smiled. “I’m glad you asked. “It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem,there’s always room for a cup of coffee with a friend.”
Oct 10, 2006
How to disable a STOLEN mobile phone?
To check your Mobile phone’s serial number, key in the following digits on your phone:
* # 0 6 #
A 15 digit code will appear on the screen. This number is unique to your handset. Write it down and keep it somewhere safe.
Should your phone get stolen, you can phone your service provider and give them this code.They will then be able to block your handset so even if the thief changes the SIM card, your phone will be totally useless.
You probably won’t get your phone back, but at least you know that whoever stole it can’t use/sell it either.
If everybody does this, there would be no point in people stealing mobile phones.
* # 0 6 #
A 15 digit code will appear on the screen. This number is unique to your handset. Write it down and keep it somewhere safe.
Should your phone get stolen, you can phone your service provider and give them this code.They will then be able to block your handset so even if the thief changes the SIM card, your phone will be totally useless.
You probably won’t get your phone back, but at least you know that whoever stole it can’t use/sell it either.
If everybody does this, there would be no point in people stealing mobile phones.
Oct 9, 2006
Don’t copy if you can’t paste
Not too long ago, a large seminar was held for ministers and reverends in training. Among the facilitators were many well-known motivational speakers. One such speaker boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd’s attention, said, “The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn’t my wife!”
The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying, “That woman was my mother!” The crowd burst into laughter and he gave his speech, which was well received.
About a week later, one of the ministers who had attended the seminar decided to use that joke in his sermon. As he shyly approached the pulpit one sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It was a bit foggy to him.
Getting to the microphone he said loudly, “The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!”
His congregation sat shocked, murmuring. After standing there for almost 10 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the pastor finally blurted out “…and I can’t remember who she was!”
Moral of the story: Don’t copy if you can’t paste.
The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying, “That woman was my mother!” The crowd burst into laughter and he gave his speech, which was well received.
About a week later, one of the ministers who had attended the seminar decided to use that joke in his sermon. As he shyly approached the pulpit one sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It was a bit foggy to him.
Getting to the microphone he said loudly, “The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!”
His congregation sat shocked, murmuring. After standing there for almost 10 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the pastor finally blurted out “…and I can’t remember who she was!”
Moral of the story: Don’t copy if you can’t paste.
Oct 8, 2006
Blood Circulation
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, “Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.”
“Yes,” the class said.
“Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn’t run into my feet?”
A little fellow shouted, “Cause your feet ain’t empty.”
“Yes,” the class said.
“Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn’t run into my feet?”
A little fellow shouted, “Cause your feet ain’t empty.”
Oct 7, 2006
God is Watching
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: “Take only ONE. God is watching.”
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.”
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.”