How Women Think......

FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

NOTHING
This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine"

GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows)

This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine"

GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care" You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off. LOUD SIGH This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"

SOFT SIGH
Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.

THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow."

GO AHEAD
At some point in the near future! re, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble. PLEASE DO This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay"

THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you're welcome. THANKS A LOT This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing"

Man Vs Woman.....

Women

Yes = No

No = Yes

Maybe = No

I'm sorry. = You'll be sorry.

We need = I want

It's your decision. = The correct decision should be obvious by now.

Do what you want. = You'll pay for this later!

We need to talk. = I need to complain.

Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to.

I'm not upset. = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

You're certainly attentive tonight. = Is sex all you ever think about?

This kitchen is so inconvenient. = I want a new house.

I want new curtains. = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper...

Hang the picture there. = NO, I mean hang it there!

I heard a noise. = I noticed you were almost asleep.

Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.

How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like.

I'll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.

Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.

You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.

Are you listening to me!? = {Too late, you're dead}

Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep?

I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.

Men

I'm hungry. = I'm hungry.

I'm sleepy. = I'm sleepy.

I'm tired. = I'm tired.

Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex w/you.

Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex w/you.

Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex w/you.

May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex w/you.

Nice dress! = Nice cleavage!

You look tense, let me give you a massage. = I want to fondle you.

What's wrong? = I don't see why you are making such a big deal out of this.

What's wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?

What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.

I'm bored. = Do you want to have sex?

I love you. = Let's have sex now.

I love you, too. = Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!

Yes, I like the way you cut your hair. = I liked it better before.

Yes, I like the way you cut your hair. = $50.00 and it doesn't look that much different!

Let's talk. = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person so that you'd like to have sex with me.

Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.

(while shopping) I like that one better. = Pick any freaking dress and let's go home

The Talk.......

Boy: I need someone to talk to.
Girl: I'm always here for you.
Boy: I know.
Girl: What's wrong?
Boy: I like her so much.
Girl: Talk to her.
Boy: I don't know. She won't ever like me.
Girl: Don't say that...you're amazing.
Boy: I just want her to know how I feel.
Girl: Then tell her.
Boy: She won't like me.
Girl: How do you know that?
Boy: I can just tell her...
Girl: Well just tell her.
Boy: What should I say?
Girl: Tell her how much you like her.
Boy: I tell her daily.
Girl: What do you mean?
Boy: I'm always with her...I love her.
Girl: I know how you feel. I have the same problem...but he'll never like me.
Boy: Wait. Who do you like?
Girl: Oh, some boy.
Boy: Oh, she won't like me either.
Girl: She does.
Boy: How do you know?
Girl: Because who wouldn't like you?
Boy: You.
Girl: You're wrong. I love you.
Boy: I love you too.
Girl: So are you going to talk to her?
Boy: I just did.