Know your Customer !!!

A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment.
A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?"

The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East , I was very confident that I would make a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through three posters...

First poster- A man lying in the hot desert sand...totally exhausted and fainting.

Second poster - man is drinking our Cola.

Third poster- Our man is now totally refreshed.




Then these posters were pasted all over the place.

"That should have worked," said the friend. The salesman replied "I also didn't realize that Arabs go from right to left"

DRINK WATER ON EMPTY STOMACH

It is popular in Japan today to drink water immediately after waking up every
morning. Furthermore, scientific tests have proven its value. We publish below a description of use of water for our readers.

For old and serious diseases as well as modern illnesses the water treatment had been found successful by a Japanese medical society as a 100% cure for the following diseases: Headache, body ache, heart system, arthritis, fast heart beat, epilepsy, excess fatness, bronchitis asthma, TB, meningitis, kidney and urine diseases, vomiting, gastritis, diarrhea,piles, diabetes, constipation, all eye diseases, womb, cancer and menstrual disorders, ear nose and throat diseases.

METHOD OF TREATMENT
1. As you wake up in the morning before brushing teeth, drink 4 x 160ml glasses of water
2. Brush and clean the mouth but do not eat or drink anything for 45 minute
3. After 45 minutes you may eat and drink as normal.
4. After 15 minutes of breakfast, lunch and dinner do not eat or drink anything for 2 hours
5. Those who are old or sick and are unable to drink 4 glasses of water at the beginning
may commence by taking little water and gradually increase it to 4 glasses per day.
6. The above method of treatment will cure diseases of the sick and others can
enjoy a healthy life.

The following list gives the number of days of treatment required to cure/control/ reduce main diseases:
1. High Blood Pressure (30 days)
2. Gastric (10 days)
3. Diabetes (30 days)
4. Constipation (10 days)
5. Cancer (180 days)
6. TB (90 days)
7. Arthritis patients should follow the above treatment only for 3 days in the 1st
week, and from 2nd week onwards – daily.

This treatment method has no side effects, however at the commencement of treatment you may have to urinate a few times. It is better if we continue this and make this procedure as a routine work in our life. Drink Water and Stay healthy and Active

This makes sense .. The Chinese and Japanese drink hot tea with their meals ..not cold water. Maybe it is time we adopt their drinking habit while eating!!! Nothing to lose, everything to gain...

For those who like to drink cold water, this article is applicable to you.It is nice to have a cup of cold drink after a meal. However, the cold water will solidify the oily stuff that you have just consumed. It will slow down the digestion.

Once this 'sludge' reacts with the acid, it will break down and be absorbed by the intestine faster than the solid food. It will line the intestine.

Very soon, this will turn into fats and lead to cancer. It is best to drink hot soup or warm water after a meal. A serious note about heart attacks: Women should know that not every heart attack symptom is going to be the left arm hurting,

Be aware of intense pain in the jaw line. You may never have the first chest pain during the course of a heart attack. Nausea and intense sweating are also common symptoms. 60% of people who have a heart attack while they are asleep do not wake up.

Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep. Let's be careful and be aware. The more we know, the better chance we could survive. A cardiologist says if everyone who gets this mail sends it to everyone they know, you can be sure that we'll save at least one life.

BLOCKBUSTERS...of Bihari's

Bihari: I hav'nt slept all nite in the train.
Friend: Y?
Bihari: Got upper berth.
Friend: Y didn't u Xchnge?
Bihari: oye, there was nobody 2 Xchnge in the lower Berth..

Bihari tells a girl "Come 2 my house at night, nobody will be there.............
Girl goes at night & really nobody was there

A BIHARI went 2 a BANK to open a S.B. A/C. After seeing the Form he had
gone to DELHI for Filling up. U knows y? FORM said "FILL UP IN CAPITAL ".

Bihari had twins; he named them Tin & Martin.
Again had twins & named them Peter &Repeater.
again twins & named Max & Climax.
Again d same. disgusted Bihari named them TIRED & RETIRED!

A sardharji photographer focusing a dead body's face in a funeral
function, suddenly all relatives beat him why? He said "SMILE PLEASE"

Bihariji standing below a tube light with a open mouth.................
WHY? because his doctor advised him
"Today’s dinner should be light"

BIHARI & FAMILY GO 2 A PARTY. HE INTRODUCES HIMSELF
- I BIHARI, SHE BIHARINEE, THE BOY MY KID & THE GIRL MY KIDNEY....

One Bihariji professor asked a plumber to come to his college.
U knw Why? Because he wanted to check where the question paper is
leaking...

Santa! Your daughter has died! Bihari Depressed & jumps from 100th floor
At 50th floor he remembers I don't have a daughter!
At 25flr:I'm unmarried!
At 10flr:I'm Banta not santa

ON A ROMANTIC DATE BIHARIS GIRL FRIEND ASKS HIM,DARLING ON OUR
ENGAGEMENT WILL U GIVE ME A RING? HE SAID YA SURE WHATS YOUR PHONE
NUMBER

Bihari found the answer to the most difficult question ever - What will come first, Chicken or egg? O Yaar, what ever u order first will come first.

A dog was chasing a Bihari and the Bihari was laughing.
A bystander: why are u laughing?
Bihari: I have a Air cell phone but still hutch network is following me.

A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match.
All were busy writing except one Bihariji. He wrote
"DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!"

What does a Bihari do after taking a Xerox?
He will compare it with the original for any spelling mistakes.

WHY CANT BIHARIS DIAL NINE-ELEVEN (911) AT EMERGENCY?
THEY CAN NOT FIND THE ELEVEN ON THE PHONE.

Bihari & his wife buy coffee in a shop. Bihari says...
Drink quickly......
Wife asks why...
Bihari says hot coffee Rs5 and cold coffee Rs10

A Bihari & his wife filed an application 4 Divorce.
Judge asked: How'll U divide, U"VE 3 children?
Bihari replied: Ok! We"ll apply NEXT YEAR

Bihari at an Art
Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern
art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!

Bihari news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab . Local
Biharis have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more..

Bihari visits Chinese friend dying in hospital. Man says CHIN YU YAN n dies.
Srdr goes2 china 2 find meaning of friends last words. It is 'U R STANDNG ON D OXGN TUBE!"

Bihariji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed.
His wife asked what you are doing He said-im seeing how i look while
sleeping.

Dress code on Valentine's day

Ø Blue- I’m free
Ø Green- I’m waiting
Ø Black & Pink – Second Attempt Success
Ø Black & Orange- Second Attempt of Proposing
Ø Yellow & Blue - Broke Up, I am Free Now
Ø White & Orange – Looking for Second
Ø Orange- going to propose
Ø Violet – Already Maintaining Two
Ø Pink- accepted just now!!!
Ø Black- proposal rejected
Ø White- already booked
Ø Yellow- broke up!!!
Ø Gray- not interested…
Ø Red- leave me

So, which color U r going to wear tomorrow??? Celebrate your day …

BENEFITS OF DRINKING WATER ON EMPTY STOMACH

DRINK WATER ON EMPTY STOMACH It is popular in Japan today to drink water immediately after waking up every morning. Furthermore, scientific tests have proven its value. We publish below a description of use of water for our readers. For old and serious diseases as well as modern illnesses the water treatment had been found successful by a Japanese medical society as a 100% cure for the following diseases: Headache, body ache, heart system, arthritis, fast heart beat, epilepsy, excess fatness, bronchitis asthma, TB, meningitis, kidney and urine diseases, vomiting, gastritis, diarrhea, piles, diabetes, constipation, all eye diseases, womb, cancer and menstrual disorders, ear, nose and throat diseases. METHOD OF TREATMENT: 1. As you wake up in the morning before brushing teeth, drink 4 x 160ml glasses of water 2. Brush and clean the mouth but do not eat or drink anything for 45 minute 3. After 45 minutes you may eat and drink as normal. 4. After 15 minutes of breakfast, lunch and dinner do not eat or drink anything for 2 hours 5. Those who are old or sick and are unable to drink 4 glasses of water at the beginning may commence by taking little water and gradually increase it to 4 glasses per day. 6. The above method of treatment will cure diseases of the sick and others can enjoy a healthy life. The following list gives the number of days of treatment required to cure/control/reduce main diseases: 1. High Blood Pressure (30 days) 2. Gastric (10 days) 3. Diabetes (30 days) 4. Constipation (10 days) 5. Cancer (180 days) 6. TB (90 days) 7. Arthritis patients should follow the above treatment only for 3 days in the 1st week, and from 2nd week onwards – daily. This treatment method has no side effects, however at the commencement of treatment you may have to urinate a few times. It is better if we continue this and make this procedure as a routine work in our life. Drink Water and Stay healthy and Active. This makes sense…The Chinese and Japanese drink hot tea with their meals not cold water. Maybe it is time we adopt their drinking habit while eating!!! Nothing to lose, everything to gain... For those who like to drink cold water, this article is applicable to you. It is nice to have a cup of cold drink after a meal. However, the cold water will solidify the oily stuff that you have just consumed. It will slow down the digestion. Once this 'sludge' reacts with the acid, it will break down and be absorbed by the intestine faster than the solid food. It will line the intestine. Very soon, this will turn into fats and lead to cancer. It is best to drink hot soup or warm water after a meal. A serious note about heart attacks: · Women should know that not every heart attack symptom is going to be the left arm hurting, · Be aware of intense pain in the jaw line. · You may never have the first chest pain during the course of a heart attack. · Nausea and intense sweating are also common symptoms. · 60% of people who have a heart attack while they are asleep do not wake up. · Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep. Let's be careful and be aware. The more we know, the better chance we could survive... A cardiologist says if everyone who gets this mail sends it to everyone they know, you can be sure that we'll save at least one life. Please be a true friend and send this article to all your friends you care about Hope it will be of benefits to you & others.

God is Great

vacuum cleaner salesman

A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door on the first house of the street. A tall lady answered the door.

Before she could speak, the enthusiastic salesman barged into the living room and opened a big black plastic bag and poured all the cow droppings onto the carpet.

"Madam, if I could not clean this up with the use of this new powerful Vacuum cleaner in the next 10 mins, I will EAT all this dung!" Exclaimed the eager salesman.

"Do you need chili sauce or ketchup with that" asked the lady.

The bewildered salesman asked, "Why, madam?"

"There's no electricity in the house..." said the lady.

MORAL: Gather all requirements and resources before working on any project and committing to the client...!!!

How to kill a lion?

ICICI method :Hire a lion give him hell a lot of work and pay him government salary. Restructure his job, position, boss, colleagues,designation, location every 6 months. Remove all lions above 40 from the organization or rename them "Goats ". If he kills 2 goats a day, give him target of killing 20 elephants a day, when there are just 10 elephants in the jungle. Lion dies of exhaustion, overkill and restructuring

HDFC method :Hire a lion and ask him to meow like a cat. Give him lots of ESOPs and grass to eat. He will die eventually of hope and starvation.

CITI Bank method :Hire the lion, make him take 14 tests and tell him that if he doesn't score 60% he will lose the job. Ask him to extract 60kg meat out of a 40 kg goat. Lion dies of the strain

ABN AMRO method:Hire the lion. Give him high impossible targets and expect a premature delivery of these targets. If the targets are delivered, clap for him in a Town hall and if not delivered humiliate him regularly. Lion either dies of excitement or starts behaving like Tom Hanks in
Terminal.

IDBI method :Hire a lion, give him a salary of a cat...Show him suspense thriller "Reverse merger of your Jungle - Part III" the lion dies before joining....StanChart method :Hire a lion, motivate him to outshine other lions in the jungle. Load him with impractical targets and if he finds the prey ensure jackals in the jungle snatch the prey and credit. Lion dies in oblivion......

Kotak method :Hire a lion, load him with targets to focus on value instead of volume. Every quarter change the style and make his life miserable. If he survives in the system reward him with a hefty bonus else if he leaves profit of the bank improves along with EPS?

Politically correct jokes......

The prime Minister of China called President Bush to console him after
the attack on the Pentagon:
"I'm sorry to hear about the attack.It is a very big tragedy. But in
case you are missing any documents from the Pentagon , we have copies of
everything."

============ ========= ========= ========= =====

Musharraf calls Bush on 11th sept:
Musharraf: Mr President, I would like to express my
condolences to you. It is a real tragedy. So many people, such great
bldgs... I would like to ensure that we had nothing in connection with
that..
Bush: What buildings? What people??
Musharraf: Oh, and what time is it in America now?
Bush: It's eight in the morning.
Musharraf: Oops...Will call back in an hour!

============ ========= ========= ========= ====

Vajpayee and Bush are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the bar
man, "Isn't that Bush and Vajpayee?"
The bar man says "Yep, that's them." So the guy walks over and says,
"Hello, what are you guys doing?"
Bush says, "We're planning world war 3"
The guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"
And Vajpayee says, "Well, we're going to kill 14 million Pakistanis and
one bicycle repairman."
And the guy exclaimed, "A bicycle repairman?!! !"
Vajpayee turns to Bush and says, "See, I told you no-one would worry
about the 14 million Pakistanis!"

============ ========= ========= ========= =====

Pakistani on the moon:
Q: What do you call 1 Pakistani on the moon?
A: Problem...
Q: What do you call 10 Pakistanis on the moon?
A: Problem...
Q: What do you call a 100 Pakistanis on the moon?
A: Problem...
Q: What do you call ALL the Pakistanis on the moon?
A: ...... Problem Solved!!!
============ ========= ========= ========= =====

A man is! taking a walk in Central park in New York . Suddenly he sees a
little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog.
He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing
the dog and saving the girl's life.
A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: "You are a
hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers:
"Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl".
The man says: "But I am not a New Yorker!"
Oh then it will say in newspapers in the morning:
"Brave American saves life of little girl" the policeman answers.
"But I am not an American!" - says the man. Oh, what are you then?"
The man says: "I am a Pakistani!"
The next day the newspapers say: "Extremist kills innocent American dog "

The Black Hole

Kolhapur's Madame Tussauds.

Siddhagiri Museum Kolhapur… it's on the outskirts of Kolhapur..worth a watch….all statues are made out of cement .