Why Kids Are “Stubborn”

Some kids are just built to butt heads with their parents. Call it stubborn or strong-willed or whatever you like. If you're living with one of these guys, you know that straight forward methods of getting them to follow directions or behave often don't work. They want to be in charge. But, of course, so do you!

Instead of resorting to the usual verbal combat (aka yelling or pleading), try my so-called sneaky or judo parenting strategies instead. Being sneaky doesn't have to mean being underhanded or manipulative with your children. Rather, "'sneaky parenting' is actually 'smart parenting,'" explains parenting educator Sharon Silver of Proactive Parenting, in Tucson, AZ, and author of "Stop Reacting and Start Responding". "It means approaching your kids sideways instead of straight on, and using calmness, respect, and creativity to get what you want to accomplished."
Some useful tips:

• Identify the problem and involve your child in seeking a solution. You will cease to be the enemy and she will feel that you are both on the same side.
• If you want your child to do something, try to time your request so that it does not interrupt her while she is doing something else. This is one way of avoiding conflict.
• If your child is not very happy about change, give her adequate notice so that she knows what to expect and is willing to cooperate.
• Be assertive when asking your child to do something. You are not asking them for a favour. Also, make clear the consequences of non-compliance.
• Keep in mind that your requests should be reasonable.
• Praise her when she is cooperative and well-behaved.

Being sneaky doesn't have to mean being underhanded or manipulative with your children